I stand by what I wrote two years ago. When I typed up Concerns from a woman in the Coptic Orthodox Church , I had no idea that it would gain this much attention. I’ve recently received a barrage of emails and comments regarding this topic because it was shared on a Facebook page Link Here and I’m surprised and glad to see that there are so many others (women and men- believe it or not!) who agree with the sentiments presented in my post. I wrote the previous blog post as a way to clarify my own thoughts, it brought forward so many issues that I’ve been struggling with in the way our church treats women.
Yes, I’ve read all the feedback- positive and negative, and I’ve come to realise that this was not just a personal anecdotal rant as some have referred to it. There are so many men and women who have observed and experienced these issues firsthand and it’s encouraged me to take to the keyboard again and respond to some of the concerns raised. So thank you to all those who have read the article with an open mind and an open heart. Your kind words have given me hope that we can achieve something if we work together. Thank you for those as well who angrily commented and accused me of being ‘un-Orthodox’ and ungrateful. Your passion about this issue, whether positive or negative has motivated me to continue to write and advocate for women’s rights, I hope that I am able to convey what many of us are thinking but are too afraid to say out loud. We still have such a long way to go in regards to equality and the treatment of women in our church.
The same issues are still relevant and unfortunately nothing has been done to change them. It seems our church is so scared of change, we think if one detail is altered, our entire faith will come crashing down. But, that is not what I’m arguing about at all. Yes I love our traditions, our Holy sacraments, our rich heritage and the depth of our mysteries. There’s no denying that we have been blessed in our faith and in our church.What I’ve been reiterating, is the way we carry ourselves, the way we zoom-in on small details and make them the entire focus of our discourse. Small details that were incorporated into our rituals because of long-gone cultural ideologies. The ideas we have kept, thinking they affect our salvation because they were passed down by the desert fathers and filtrated through a long history of oppression by Islamic, Judaic and even Roman/Greek invasions in the past. We fail to differentiate between what is our faith, and what is our culture.
Don’t know what I’m talking about?
Think about the way men and women are segregated in the church, the way only males are allowed to read or sing, how women are told to cover up and are shunned if their clothes are deemed inappropriate for church. Judaic laws concerning purity, that have not been addressed publicly by the heads of the church or abolished as they should have been years ago. Why the priest only washes the feet of the men and not the women during Lakaan (the blessing of the water). How come so many churches only have a board of old men making decisions on behalf of the congregation? Why the Holy Synod is comprised of men, how would they know what is best for the entire congregation if they disregard the opinions of women? The way we are brushed aside, treated as second-class citizens who are not allowed to voice our concerns about what is happening in the church.
I could go on and on about the many inequalities we have to face every time we step into church, but the question is, who will listen? Are we waiting for those in power to come to this realisation? Are we just going to receive the same answer we always have? Go pray. Or even worse, is the number of times people have misquoted Saint Paul to me, saying: “Let your women keep silent in the churches, for they are not permitted to speak; but they are to be submissive, as the law also says. And if they want to learn something, let them ask their own husbands at home; for it is shameful for women to speak in church.”
I Corinthians 14:34-35
Who would want to be part of a church that allows its people to treat each other in this way? Not I. Yet I have stayed because I grew up Orthodox and I believe things can change. It may take a while, but I want to help in creating that future. We can’t expect people to see Christ’s light in us, when we don’t treat everyone as equals. Why would a newcomer want to join a Coptic Orthodox church, when we appear to be stuck in the 18th Century and refuse to move forward. I choose to ignore these negativities day to day in order to stay sane and to focus on my personal relationship with God. I am not a martyr or a saint, no one is perfect… as I’m sure we all have our struggles and temptations. I am merely looking for a way to pave a better future for our church, for new generations. The way things are going now- the congregation is becoming weary, there are power struggles, fights, terrorists, issues appearing left, right and centre, that no one seems to know how to deal with.
Yes we can pray, we can pray and read the Bible until eternity, hoping that the answer to all our problems will come down from heaven on the wings of an angel. But God gave us mouths, he gave us a brain and two hands and feet. He didn’t tell us to sit and twiddle our thumbs. We need to write, we need to think, we need to speak. Don’t give me the ‘logic has no place in our faith’ speech. God gave us logic. Everything I believe in is logical to me. Our faith makes sense. What doesn’t make sense is the way we are stuck in the past and we are scared of change. What doesn’t make sense to me is the misogyny, the discrimination and the hatred, we have taken from the cultures and beliefs around us, whether Islamic, European, Jewish, African, Atheist or Egyptian. We need to take a good look at ourselves and consider whether this is what Christ would have wanted. We are Christian Orthodox and sometimes we forget that and focus on the parts of ourselves that are Egyptian.
Back to Saint Paul’s quote, which should never be taken out of context. I refuse to be submissive. I am only submissive to God and God alone. We refuse to study the Bible in its context, to understand and appreciate God’s love and mercy, while still taking into consideration that all of these events took place in a completely different era to our own. We are so behind in our practices and it saddens me that we refuse to ‘upset’ the older generations or those who grew up in a misogynistic climate and refuse to open their eyes to the truth. So many of our young congregation do not feel welcome anymore, they have left the church because they do not feel important or valued. Women especially are turned away because when we question a practice or belief, we are branded as being too ‘worldly.’
“Feminism is stupid, there’s no place for it in our church”
“Women just want more power than men”
Both are ridiculous statements I’ve heard on more than one occasion and I must draw the line here. Feminism =allowing women the same rights as men (the same rights that men have unquestioningly been given for thousands of years). If any of the individuals who said these statements would pick up a book, or even look at Christ’s life, they would know that Jesus called for all of us to be one in Him. Jesus was hated by many in his time because he chose to spend time with women, prostitutes, sinners, tax-collectors and the like. Women in Jewish culture were second-class and Jesus sat with them, spoke to them and treated them with dignity and respect. This is our true example, but we have chosen to ignore it and the hierarchy in our church has opted instead for sets of rules and regulations, which ensure that men stay in power.
We forget that above all else, we are the Body of Christ. We have a beautiful and deep faith, we come together as one to praise God, but our words are one thing and our actions tell a different story. So do not accuse me of hating the church, of being ungrateful for all the blessings, or just having bad experiences. This is a universal problem in our church that needs to be addressed. We are made to feel like we are being proud and stubborn whenever we voice our ideas and opinions. At a youth meeting, while arguing some of these points with our priest in a group discussion, I was told I was being too controversial, that I needed to stay in my place and my concerns were brushed aside. I am not condemning the priests, because they too are under severe pressure to please the masses. If they appear too ‘forward’ in these matters, they could lose their jobs or be reprimanded by the bishops. Yes I know of a few priests who cater to youth and are more modern in their approaches, but they have no support from their people, so they remain quiet.
It seems that we are always signing pointless petitions against gay marriage, muslims and political issues that do not have any effect (Note: I plan to write a blog post in the not-so- distant future regarding the obsession with judging and hating people in the LGBTQ community, because we preach love but practice hate- stay tuned!) However, we refuse to lift a finger, when this issue of inequality affects more than 50% of our congregation. If you think this issue only affects women, you are sorely mistaken. We are raising a generation of male youths who have such a superiority complex because of their sex, they have inherited this mentality from their fathers and the men they see around them. In turn, they disrespect their mothers, their sisters, their wives and their female friends and are never confronted for it because it is seen as the norm. “Boys will be boys” as the saying goes, and this is no different in our own community, which claims to be above the rest.
Of course, not all men are like this. I am not saying every single guy has this mentality, I am lucky to have met a few genuinely good males who give me hope for the future generations, but they keep to themselves and many I’m sure have kept quiet in fear of reproachment. Once again, the beauty of our faith is supposed to be in the fact that we can question, discuss and raise issues without fear. We are not supposed to follow blindly, we have to truly understand our beliefs and why they are put in place to appreciate the beauty of it all. Those who hush us when we question our place in the church, the other women who defend misogynistic beliefs, the men who laugh at us, and the Sunday School teachers who drilled into us that we should keep quiet and take orders from our hierarchy; have only created an environment of an awkward dictatorship. When we sit on the sidelines and let it slide, it becomes okay. No one speaks up in fear that we may be seen as heretics or excluded from our social circles. This climate of keeping quiet and not ‘rocking the boat’ has lead us to where we are today.
In regards to previous points I mentioned in my other blog post, I received a lot of backlash concerning my discussion of the marriage ceremony and the commemoration of the saints. Some readers ignored my entire argument and chose to attack me for being too literal, when it was just one example provided about the mistreatment of women in our church. If these words spoken to the bride on the wedding day are not so important or necessary to the sacrament, then why not alter them? Why are we to keep these phrases and defend them so vehemently in order to stay with the tradition? When instead, we are hurting women, we are hurting our beautiful church and pushing people away.
Of course Saint Mary is rightfully mentioned first in the commemoration, but what about the hundreds of female saints who are not? Those whose stories inspire me every week when read in the synaxarium, or skipped over when time is running out; they are excellent role models for young girls and women alike, who are searching for a place to belong in the church. We concentrate on all the desert fathers and follow their teachings, but when have we ever read about the lives of the desert mothers? They may have been silenced back then, but why are we making the same mistakes? We need to show the young generations that men and women are equal, they should be treated the same.
Rather than having a two year old boy in the altar who understands nothing about his role, running around with a candle (almost burning the church down in the process, as his parents smile sheepishly proud of their son for being ordained), why not allow women- who are excluded on the basis of their ‘lack of understanding’ or rather their anatomical differences- participate with a full heart of praise. The thought of ordaining deaconesses is not a new concept. Yet it is ridiculed as those in power treat women in any role with condescension. “What’s next? Female priests?” No, that is not what I am asking for. Let’s take baby steps to achieve equality first among laypeople rather than jumping to conclusions about what women can and cannot become.
I am only asking that our church begins to understand and take action to create an environment of equality, to spread love and respect to women and to engage with us in discussions that concern us (all of them, considering we are one body and so decisions made affect us all).
Some people have emailed me asking what we can do next, here’s the thing…I don’t know what will happen or how to make changes, I am just one woman writing a blog. I am going to do what I do best and just write down what I believe.
Here’s some advice I can give you: share your beliefs with others, discuss it with your servants, priests and bishops, don’t be afraid to speak out your opinion, you may be surprised (as I was) that so many people have been thinking the same thing for years. Write letters, get the word out. We are one church no matter where in the world we are located. No church is perfect, the sooner we realise that, the sooner we can fix ourselves. Stay strong in your convictions, I keep praying for those who choose to stay closed minded (sadly some are friends and family members) and I only respond to supporters, to move forward. Love everyone around you and show those outside of the church that we are the followers of Christ.
Also, talk to your kids, acknowledge that their opinions are valid, that their desire for change is good and much-needed. Encourage them to ask questions and not just take things at face value. Also remain open-minded and keep promoting equality in your roles as Sunday school servants, youth leaders and speakers in the church. Men and women are called to work together to have a greater impact. Question the beliefs of those who are closed-minded, if you laugh at their sexist comments,they will think it’s acceptable. Call on them to justify their reasoning and I’m sure they will realise in time that they have been influenced negatively by those around them. Dialogue between men and women in the church should be free and open to create a safe space for all.
Thank you again for reading my blog and sharing it and responding with such fervour. It’s given me a lot to think about and stay tuned for more posts in the near future 🙂 I do choose to remain anonymous for now, so I can continue to write passionately about controversial topics and remain uncensored and unfiltered. God Bless
–> Just a Dreamer here <–
You may say I'm a Dreamer 